Because You Need It.

You look back at what you said before,
before the actual, full-on pain,
before your life seemed to be
breaking apart.

You was once happy.
Once optimistic.
But now, the only happiness
you find is in the ones you love.

And yes, that should be enough,
but for you, its not,
because one upon a time you knew what it felt like
to love everything in your life.

You try to go throughout your day
making yourself believe that
tomorrow would be
better, but instead
it turns out worse.

You want to feel like you once did,
feel needed,
feel purposeful,
but instead all you feel is pain.

So yes, you embrace your addiction,
Overdose in it,
But why inject yourself with a new kind of pain,
If your life is already is drowning in it already?

Well thats easy.
Because you.
Need.
It.

My Addiction.

Is more than a bad habit,
its now a part of me,
what I do
and who I am.

I can't help to crave it,
can't help to stay away from it,
I can't help the unbelievably
great rush I get from it.

It seems to throw me into the ocean,
drown me in pain,
and pull me back out
feeling better than ever.

Until, of course, the rush fades away,
and I'm forced to do it again,
this time taking a larger dose
than the time before.

It blocks out my emotional pain,
until I'm left with physical,
and thats much less
painful than emotional.

I continue to live on it,
even when I know its bad for me,
and even when the ones I love
tell me to quit.

So I'm sorry,
And as much as want to stop,
Its more painful if I do
and I'm threw with so much pain.

I want this all to end,
but after all,
my addiction
is now a part of me...

literally.